the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
