there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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