Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
