We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
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