I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
