So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
