If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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