its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I would ride that face into the sunset
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
