someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
