My hair reeks of homosexuality.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
