Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
