I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
