Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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