He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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