The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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