ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
