Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
