is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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