I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
