Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Someone came in the potted fern
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
