There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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