every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
sex in a hospital.. check
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
