If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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