He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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