You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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