so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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