He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
