I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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