i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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