every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
