Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
