k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
