Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
