Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
