I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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