I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
