am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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