Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
