this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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