I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
