Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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