so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
