Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
