Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I didn't notice because vodka
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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