Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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