if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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