So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
