i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
