So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
