So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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