at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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