i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
