those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
