I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
